To The Parents Who Think Pride Isn’t “Appropriate” for Kids

An open letter.

At the beginning of the month, a mom of 2 young kids posted a question on a facebook group for local parents. It’s the kind of virtual community hub utilized heavily by a lot of parents — a place where you go to find a used stroller, daycare recommendations, or advice about where to take your sick kid for a walk-in appointment.

The mom had asked if anyone had heard about kid-friendly Pride activities happening in Montreal in June. June is LGBTQIA+ Pride month in most places across Canada and the US, though some, like Quebec and B.C., do their Pride months in August.

What resulted turned into a bit of a community-wide scandal, setting off a conversation that took a disappointing and unfortunately all-too-familiar path in these days of polarized thought about LGBTQIA+ identities.

While several parents started off by providing this mother with information related to what she had asked for, a few others quickly and loudly descended into moralizing and pearl-clutching. “Pride is no place for a young child!” they cried. “It’s sexual and inappropriate,” they elaborated. “Children are innocent and need to be protected.”

As a queer person who has a child, these comments hit like a sucker punch in my gut. While my stomach has been in knots for months and years, as I have watched various States across the U.S. strip my LGBTQIA+ community of their basic rights, I have had the vague and uneasy safety that comes with the conviction that the place I live is “not like that.” But safety is an illusion when only some people are safe, because you never know when they’re going to come for you next. So yes, I was shocked and hurt to find that they were coming for me - and my child, and my family, and my queer community - on a facebook page meant to give support to parents.

While the thread was ultimately removed from the page, leaving no trace of the bigoted and homophobic comments that were posted there, this feeling of deep unease remained. I wanted to answer these people, and this seems like as good a place as any.

Firstly, the question that sparked these comments was about kid-friendly Pride events, of which there are many. Pride is a celebration of identity, so it goes without saying that there are both parents and kids who hold LGBTQIA+ identities for whom there are always age-appropriate events during Pride — things like story times, queer family get-togethers with games and food, and parades. Nothing about celebrating queer identities is *inherently* inappropriate, as these people suggested — it’s very possible to celebrate yours without being sexually explicit.

Secondly, I take issue with the fact that these people equate sexuality with inappropriateness for kids. Do they need a refresher on the *birds and bees* conversation? Kids are the literal products of sexuality. Parents *very often, though not always* have sexual preferences and relationships. Is a kiss on the lips from your partner inappropriate for your kids to see? What about people cuddling on a park blanket, or holding hands by the playground? What about the books, movies and TV shows kids consume where people are in loving and sometimes even sexual relationships? The idea that we should be scrubbing kids’ lives of anything that remotely touches on sexuality and the physical expression of LOVE and ENJOYMENT is both absurd and impossible. To decide to do so when it comes to LGBTQIA+ people and not everyone else — which would probably require keeping your kid out of all public spaces + away from all media — is the kind of homophobia that people like to deny because its exercised in the name of other “morals”.

This position becomes especially perverse when it is used to justify a “value” of “keeping kids safe”, which is code for “keep them away from queer and trans people”. For homophobic people, the way we as queer people live our lives is seen as deviant, deranged, and contagious. They need to keep their kids away from us so we don’t scar, or worse, infect them. To deny that taking that position is bigoted + homophobic is to lack a fundamental understanding of what those words mean.

Last, and perhaps most importantly - these people are operating under the unsupported and false assumption that their children are not members of the LGBTQIA+ community. Statistically, a very substantial percentage of society *is* queer. Some of the children of bigots will be lesbian, or gay, or trans, or gender-non-conforming. And what will these parents do then? How will their kids feel comfortable coming out, being themselves, taking to their families about their identities? Will they be safe in their own homes, with parents that actively shun the notion of even *exposing* their kids to family-focused Pride events? My hearts break for the children whose parents hold the poisonous position that Pride, and any expression of queer joy, is somehow inappropriate. They are setting their queer kids up for a whole range of painful and difficult experiences, which is something no parent would ever wish for their kids.

So I’m issuing you a plea this Pride season. If you have kids in your life, bring them to Pride. Talk to them about LGBTQIA+ communities and experiences. Read them books featuring queer people and different kinds of families. If you feel uncomfortable doing so, reach out to an LGBTQIA+ friend or organization. Reach out to ME. But please, don’t stay ignorant. Because no one is safe to be fully themselves until we all are.